"You are the cut that makes me hide my face..."

"Don't bother saying you're sorry.
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes - again...



Or Reasons, Seasons and a Lifetime

As is usual in me, I'm again dwelling in the main ring of the "Circus of Life" in which nothing is what it seems and everything is far from perfect. We, people, betray,mostly because we change and stop caring, and what was our word and our truth once, is taken by the winds of years that pass.

Or so I was wondering when I recieved a chain-mail providing explanations. Who'd know?

People appear into your life all the time, no matter how much of a loner you are (now in my case, I don't consider myself a loner, but I choose carefully-or at least, try-the people I surround myself with, 'cuz, you know, you never know). That said, the very corny chain in Powerpoint format attempted to illustrate the reasons for people to happen.

Accordingly:

Some people appear into your life for a specific REASON: you need something in that particular time being, and so this person appears into your life and sort of solves it: they help you, listen to you, share with you and then, for no apparent motive, they leave. As if their job were done. Supposedly, your need is fulfilled and is time for them to move on. Sometimes they die, other times, they just walk away or turn their backs to you, or you just stop speaking to each other. They don't stay long.

On the other hand, some people appear into your life in a particular SEASON: they are "givers", they make you laugh, they make you do thing you hadn't done before; it's the people you learn with... but they only stay for a relatively short period of time.

And finally, the least of them stay for a LIFETIME: these are the ones who help you become emotionally stable, who teach you big stuff, whith whom you grow the most.

I figured the above is very true. Some people really appear for a REASON and solve your problems, and then freeze, or fade away, or change in a way you just can't seem to be able to communicate with each other. Something small and slight happens, and you don't need each other anymore. I've been there. And, the funny thing is I haven't missed them. At times, I have thanked that they left. Not that I don't appreciate their help or the time spent together, but, as the above said, it feels as if they finished their job. And, even if I don't see (or hope I don't see) this people again, I am thankful for what they've done, and forgive what they haven't.

Some others do appear during a SEASON. In my experience, these folks are the hardesto to bid goodbye to. I've missed them TERRIBLY when they have gone. With these folks I learned how to be a friend, how to love, how to cry, how to laugh 'till my belly hurts... and how to say goodbye. Cheers to them, to their lessons, to the times shared. Cheers to them!

And there's the people that have stayed for my LIFETIME. The ones who teach you the most important things; the ones who forgive you (and whom you forgive) no matter what. The ones you love above all in the world. My siblings, my mother. My best friend Aída. My cousin Mar. My lovely aunts. And Luis, my lovely boyfriend, who has stayed for the shortest period of time to watch the show and still has shown me a hell of a lot of things. Yeah, the ones you'll hold on to forever.

The point of this post was originally to bitterly complain, as I usually do here, about something I had foreseen, but not so closely, which made it even more nerve-wrecking, that happened recently, involving people changing and the payment of a long-term debt(and the relieving, yet-as it seemed to me-ungrateful freedom I experienced from the idea of being able to never have to do with this person again). I thought I was being a bitch... even worse, a total jerk. Then I recieved the above, and understood it had sooo been a REASON-situation, serving its purpose and closing the moment I pay the last I owe. Then, freedom. Freedom to ignore. Freedom to call things (well, people) by what they are. Freedom to continue, walk proud, breathe deeply and surround myself with the LIFETIME people I adore.

...
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid.
Like a plane I've been told I never should board.
Like a film that's so bad but I've gotta stay til the end...

Let me tell you now,
It's lucky for you that we're friends." (like a friend, pulp)