"... all my friends are murder...

... all my bones no marrows in..."

I feel a little betrayed. Just a little. My friends have been treating me like sh**t (or is it that I have been feeling like sh**t around them for no apparent reason and all they say/do, I take personally?) for a long time now. At first, it bothered me and made me sad. Now, it just makes me sad. And sort of homesick, only I feel a terrible nostalgia about the people that I don't doubt are my friends... as if I were totally "friendsick" or something.

It makes me wonder... is it me? is it I have changed? ...

Or is it they're just not real friends? (my "option A" to finish this sentence was "a bunch of jerks" --> I don't want them to stumble into this and feel aggravated... not that they read the stuff I write, but just in case)

Guess I'll never know.

This situation makes me feel bored and disconnected. Like an observer or a visitor in a place in which I used to feel safe, happy, comfortable... it plainly sux.

But I'll do nothing, noooothing at all. Deep inside, I want to keep the hopeful idea that this is yet another passing phase in our group dynamics, probably triggered by exhaustion, the ending of a semester, the moon cycles...

If I am right, I'll laugh off this post and get back to "normal".

If I am wrong, I guess I won't lose anything at all.

But as for now, I feel bored, and strange, and sometimes, really sad (sad as hell).

I just needed to put it into words.